Having Financial Hassles?
by ObsidianMist
Summary: The unthinkable, the horror, the terror...Gene has lost his credit card! Will it fall into the wrong hands? Will it be used for evil? Will his credit rating go down? Read and find out the answers to these and other pressing questions. Then review


Title: Having Financial Hassles? (Or is your credit card company just plain evil?)  
  
Author: Obsidian Mist  
  
Disclaimer: If any of you reading this think that I own Outlaw Star you are in fact wrong. Very wrong.  
  
Author's Notes: Hey, so this is my second OS fanfic and again it's a parody. Hopefully if I get a good response to this (that means you all need to review) than I might write some more.  
  
Having Financial Hassles?  
  
Or is your credit card company just plain evil?  
  
The crew of the infamous grappler ship walked across the beaten surface of the planet called Grave of the Dragon. Jim and Mel were the first to show signs of exhaustion, but the others weren't exactly as fresh as an April shower either.  
  
Suddenly, Gene stopped in his tracks his expression one of dread, causing the computer whiz to smash into him. "Hey!" Protested Jim, "why'd ya stop?" The redhead took no heed of his words as he frantically felt all of his pockets. "I've lost it!" He wailed, the consequences of this loss might indeed be brutal.  
  
"What? Gene! What'd you lose?" The shortest member worried that they might have to continue their journey on this unknown ominous planet without the aid of a caster gun or even worse…snacks. "My credit card!" Proclaimed Gene looking distraught.  
  
"Oh," Melfina piped up with a sympathetic glance, "you can't charge? I'm sorry you can't charge." The android's statement caused massive giggles in both Aisha and Jim. Even Suzuka was having a hard time keeping a straight face as she asked, "you mean you don't have a Capital One no hassles card? If you did you wouldn't have to worry about losing it on some remote planet that isn't even on the map."  
  
"Well, don't worry terran." Assured Aisha. "There isn't another person here for miles."  
  
1 Meanwhile back on the Outlaw Star  
  
So Gene thinks I'm a pain in the ass does he? Gilliam pondered over the many events when the captain had said derogatory things to him. Me the most technologically advanced space ship ever built? I'll just have to prove to him, I suppose, how much of a pain in the butt I can be. "I, is this Grapplers R Us? Good. Listen I'm going to be ordering the complete weapon system on page 37 and add on the additional anti-missile missiles set. Also send me an upgraded navigational hatch that allows the user to remain fully clothed. Huh? Well, yes it is a female operator. Good looking? I can assure as the most advanced computer system in the quadrant that I do not lower myself to such judgmental attitudes. Now I also would like to order-fine she's both healthy and not atypically shaped. Why would I want to do that? Please sir, I don't think that's really any of your busin- Now hold on, I am most certainly not gay. Look, I can place this order with any of several hundred businesses, some of whom have a lower quoted price on the anti-missiles. Thank you for understanding, and no I am not interested in hearing about your wild Saturday night. Now, the white noise generator on 62, does it block only engine and furnace noises or can it be used on humans as well? It can? What about Ctarl-Ctarl? Add that to my order. Also, the draganite plated hull platting would certainly be more efficient. Hmm…what else was it that needed to be ordered?"  
  
Several of the Gilliam soda can drones chirp up. "Paint!" Yells the single pink droid who has suffered enough abuse from the others about its physical appearance. "Clothing lines or a dryer." Inputs another who most certainly doesn't want to sacrifice its rail for Gene's underwear. Gilliam quickly adds those to his order.  
  
"The credit card? It's made out to Gene T. Starwind, authorization number…"  
  
2 Back on the Planet's Surface  
  
"I guess you're right, Aisha. I mean it isn't as if the McDougal brothers are suddenly and inexplicably show up is it?"  
  
"Naw!" Aisha nodded her head sagely. "That'd just be too cliché."  
  
Owari  
  
So…did ya like? Well did ya? If so for the love of casters review! Please. 


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